Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
