Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
