So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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