I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
