If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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