When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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