I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
