Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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