Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
