one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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