I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
