Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
