Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
