dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
