Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
