The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
