is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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