Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
