so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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