I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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