Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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