the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
