Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
