You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
