So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
