I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
