Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
