Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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