So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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