No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize