Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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