And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FUCK WHALES
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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