I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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