I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
