naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
