it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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