JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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