i don't like sucking hair
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
