Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
