Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
