But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
