I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i have two assholes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So vagazzling was a success
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
