You're so nebulous sometimes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
