She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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