i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
