I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
