oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
