I'm really into asian looking animals
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
