cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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