We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
