If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize