Having a random hookup so left but love u
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
