You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize