i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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