im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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