I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
