he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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