Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
