i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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