Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
