Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
