real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I faked an abortion last night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
