Non-Jews are for practice
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
