There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
