I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
