is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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