The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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