Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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